My Heroine

Today, in honor of Women's History Month, someone asked me to share the name of a woman who is a hero in my mind and tell why. I answered the question and realized I would be remiss if I did not also note the same here. As I work to balance my life now at home, I throw myself back into work, hobbies, and relationships I left behind. Life is busy. Thus I am grateful for the pattering rain on the windows reminding me it is a delicious day to be alone with my musings. This day allows me to ensure I honor my hero of choice while still in this month honoring historical women.

Grace Luague Hogstad, Mom...I call her Mini-me...She is my hero, actually my heroine, for so many reasons. Yes, she raised me and is a pretty incredible lady. She also deeply engraved into my younger brothers' and me a certain mentality I took for granted. When I entered the world as an adult, I realized not everyone has her beliefs and methods. Mom ingrained into our sub-conscious a fervor for learning. She dug in the importance of higher education. It is a fiercely important topic to Mom. Education was her ticket out of the impoverished Philippines. She guided our path from the start. It was not common in the '80s, but she enrolled us all in pre-school. She and my dad taught us to read at a very young age. They got us all excited about books.

My parents divorced when I was 12, but I felt fortunate because Dad stayed in Palmdale. We still maintained a close family unit. Both parents would even go to my brothers' football games together. As a single parent, Mom ensured we kept the same house and lifestyle. She wanted us to have everything we needed, but not give us everything we wanted. She made it work by being a real estate broker with her own business, Grace Hogstad Realty. Mom became a real estate agent to have the flexibility to go back to school, but the business took on a life of it's own. Although busy, she ensured she took us on vacations. We have many fond memories of frequent trips to Yosemite.

She was pretty strict in raising us, as the oldest - more so with me. I could to go to parties, but always had to give a phone number. That meant there had to be some sort of adult supervision. I would go to the party, terrified she would call to check on me. She never did. She armed herself with the possibility, but did not assert the right. I vividly remember the first time we fought. I was 16 and thought, certainly she wasn't right about everything... It was Clash of the Titans, not on the sea, but in the desert home in Palmdale, CA. I was dead-set on going to this rave and she, ever familiar with the land and maps, knew it was in the middle of nowhere. I swore there would be security. The flier said so. And she didn't give a flying.... Both of us at max-capacity volumes as my brothers cowered from us, downstairs in their bunk-bed.

Then...Mom looked me square in the eyes and said, "Fine, you can go, but I'm driving you. I'll drop you off." She got me. I stopped ranting and stared back, I was MORTIFIED at the thought of my mom taking me to a rave. I couldn't imagine how uncool I would be in everybody's view and no, I had no idea they would likely be high and not care. In my earnest fight to go, she leg-swiped me flat on the ground by saying yes. But under completely unacceptable circumstances! I caved, utterly deflated. I could not argue any further. That woman got me good and my brothers reemerged from their hiding positions. This memory will always be distinct for me.

The friend I wanted to go with, well...many years later, we lost her when she passed away due to drug overdose. I never did go to a rave...and I learned Mom indeed was always right...

For my brothers and me, it was never IF we were going to college, but WHICH university we would attend. I never wavered about school, it was more a search for a scholarship. My brothers and I nervously giggle when we imagine what would would happen if we told Mom, "College is not for me." We also did not have the luxury of a college fund or savings plan, but that was okay. Both parents knew it had to happen, they supported us. And we somehow knew it would all work out; we never let finances stop our intentions. All three of us chose University of California schools. In-residence tuition let us pay less for four years then what parents now pay for one year of private school.

We all got scholarships and grants. I had the Air Force pay for both my undergraduate AND graduate degree, it all worked out. Jonathan (4 years younger than me) also went to UCLA (Mechanical Engineering). Then later on to Columbia School of International Political Affairs. Brandon (9 years younger) went to Berkeley (Biology). Became a published lab rat in Nature Journal for progressive AIDS research at NYU. He is now getting his PhD at Mount Sinai. Yes, had to brag - who has two thumbs and is a damn proud big sis - THIS GAL!

All the while Mom kept leading by example as she made time for both real estate and more education. She traveled several nights a week to Cal State Northridge. She earned her Master's Degree in Creative Writing. Now she semi-retired from real estate. She is in her final year, finishing her PhD in Mythological Studies. She already completed the Master's in Depth Psychology. Both through Pacifica Graduate Institute in Carpinteria, CA. She is writing her dissertation and memoir supporting her assertion. That in addition to Joseph Campbell's Hero's Journey, there is a Heroine's Journey. Her memoir focuses on her childhood in the Philippines and her journey to the United States. Yes I'm biased, but Oprah is going to flip out over her book. I have no doubt. When she finally completes her dissertation, she will actually have two books. The memoir for Oprah's Book Club, and the second, more academic. Although Oprah Winfrew will like both. They will be very significant to Feminism and all women around the world.

My mother has more than earned her place as my favorite heroine. Mom is an amazing, powerful woman. She raised us with passion and enthusiasm we all exhibit in our lives today. She was Filipina strict while raising me, but we are so close now she was the Maid of Honor in my wedding. I'm privileged to honor her this Women's History Month in my humble space.

Mom, I know you will read this as you have subscribed to this feed. I love you, thank you, and...get back to work, FINISH your thesis/books! Hugs.