Out of Comfort Zone Connections, Part I - Reaching Up

I took a deliberate pause from writing. I needed to focus my efforts on the redeployment process. I am happy to report I am home and all is complete. I went to our decompression program in Germany. The pause there gave me the opportunity to catch up on some serious spa-time and shop in the Base Exchange (bigger than the entire size of my deployed camp). And of course visit with dear friends stationed in Germany. Having the ability to decompress allowed me to reflect and appreciate how much I love people. I am grateful I am to have so many awesome humans in my life.

I am dedicating this post and the two to follow in a 3-Part series “Out of Comfort Zone Connections.” To the wonderful relationships I formed during this deployment. It takes effort to get out of our comfort zone. When we go out of our way to connect with others, we can create powerful relationships. I had the opportunity to build bonds I hope will last. I allowed myself to be vulnerable and the reward was incredible.

In my field of investigations, we tend to be on the outskirts of base life. I always believed in integration with our customer to truly provide support. Especially overseas where our focus is force protection. In this trip, part of our mission was to build-up our location. We had to set rules and policy to ensure safety and security for us and future deployers.

When I first arrived, the base leadership made it very clear to me he did not consider me part of his leadership team. It was an interesting discussion as I was always welcomed in my other bases. In other wings and groups my unit supported, other commanders welcomed me. Granted some folks aren’t as familiar with our mission. His call sign (nickname) referenced a Beverly Hillbillies character. That gave me a clue that his perspective differed from my own...on many topics. I respected his decision and still worked to achieve the needed security objectives. I pressed on with my priorities and it worked out.

In one month group leadership changed. At this point, I had the choice of allowing things to continue on as they were or suggest a different option. Although intimidated, I heard good things about our new commander. I did not know how he would react to me. I also recognized by asking for inclusion I could, again, receive “Who does she think she is?” I knew we could still accomplish the mission either way. But I decided I owed it to him as my customer to ask for a change. The day after giving him our mission brief, I pulled him aside. I presented my proposal, explained how I could serve an advisory function to his group. He looked at me like I was crazy…gulp...I waited. Then he said “Of course you are a part of my leadership team.” What a relief!

Including me opened many opportunities for guidance and positive impact to base security. I had the opportunity to influence posture and policy. I worked hard to address his requirements and questions. Feeling appreciated makes anyone work harder.

Being the only woman on his team and ranking woman officer on the base, I offered another perspective. He wanted to give cultural and security guidance to our women warriors. My Middle East, security, and women empowerment skill sets matched perfectly! To address his concerns, the commander turned to me and asked me to conduct Female All Calls. I have so much respect for him because he was willing to acknowledge we are equal, but different. Women can face unique challenges in the Middle East and deployed environment. He wanted to educate on those challenges it excited me to provide this support. I spoke to the population of women and started a conversation. I used my experience to mentor and guide others. Had he not included me, I would not have been able to provide this extra service. He is a phenomenal commander and I’d follow him anywhere. He appreciated my guidance and our unit’s security contributions to the base.

Had I allowed the previous status quo to continue, none of this would have happened. I stayed patient with my initial circumstances. Then wiggled in when the opportunity presented itself. He took a risk his predecessor wasn’t willing to take by including me as one of “his commanders.” In return, together as a team, we produced creative solutions to many challenges. As women, it may be harder on us to assert inclusion to a group not “like us.” When we allow ourselves to feel the vulnerability and do what we need to do, the results are worth it. And the reject you? It’s their loss, no worries - move on. I set myself up for a second rejection. The reward...the ability to engage on many levels and get the mission done in the most ideal manner. This commander appreciated my engagement and integration. I laugh because he was the one that enabled and allowed me to do “my thang.”

Sometimes in your career, you will feel the need to reach up and out of your comfort zone. It will be uncomfortable because others may feel you do not belong. Do not force the relationship but follow your gut. When the timing is right, take the risk for the sake of the mission. The reward is greater contribution and sense of fulfillment. Go for it!